25 baby steps

The first time around the baby block we let our daughter sleep in bed with us. It wasn't a conscious decision. It was more of an unconscious decision as our need for sleep took all priority over our need to make use of the cute crib sheets I painstakingly picked out and paid way too much for from Pottery Barn Kids. My daughter simply slept better in bed with me, and I with her. Fast forward and we're now in a seemingly never-ending pattern of sleeping with a fidgety, sweaty octopus of a pre-schooler, who, no matter how well she is sleeping when we tuck her into her big girl bed, will always find a way to end up in our bed before morning.

So when my son arrived I was a little more determined to get him to sleep in his crib, in his own room. Partly because the bed was getting a little crowded, partly because I was worried he'd get clobbered by his big sister's flailing limbs in the night. And also because, maybe, one day, Mark and I can have our bed back. We can dream, anyway (if we could sleep long enough to get to dream state, that is).

Well, as it turns out, baby Niko loves his little crib and his independent space. He's perfectly happy to drink some milk and go sprawl out on his own. Now at ten months old, he still wakes up a couple of times a night however, and it's exactly 25 steps from my side of the bed to his crib. I walk them a lot, I've counted.

Twenty-five steps of wondering if my eyeballs are subject to long-term damage due to me scraping my reluctant tired lids up over them again and again.

Twenty-five steps of questioning if we should hire a sleep trainer.

Twenty-five steps of vowing to give Niko an extra big snack before bed the next night so maybe he'll sleep longer.

Twenty-five steps of trying to remember to ask Mark if he can fix Niko's door so it doesn't make so much noise when I push it open.

Twenty-five steps of frustration that I am up, awake, yet again.

Twenty-five steps of limping as my hips and knees feel so. damn. old. since I gave birth and seemingly gave up exercise. 

Twenty-five steps of mild panic that I might actually die of sleep deprivation.

Twenty-five steps of promising my body that I'll start going back to yoga classes. 

Twenty-five steps of excitement to see my little lovey baby again. 

Twenty-five steps of carrying my tired, weepy, heavy baby back to my bed for milk.

Twenty-five steps of returning my passed-out, milk-drunk baby back to his crib for sleep.

Twenty-five steps of kissing the softest, sweetest cheek while my baby dreams whatever it is that babies dream. And twenty-five steps of tiny warm breaths on my face that breathe new energy and calm into my heart. Those last ones. Those are the steps that take the longest. 

Mama's recommended wine pairing:

Occasion: When you need to savour a moment so badly because you know in mere moments, days, years you won't get it back and all you'll have is the memory of a single warm breath on your cheek. 

Wine pairing: For these times to be sipped and inhaled slowly I'd propose a decadent Amarone. It's a touch spendy, but who can put a price on times like these. Open it up, decant that baby and inhale the raisiny heavenly aromas. Producing Amarone is a long, delicate and complex process (hence the price tag) but the result is an incredible, well-balanced wine that ages well and can be saved for just the right moment. At about $45 this Tedeshi Amarone della Valpolicella is a good price point wine to try. 

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