Five Thing Friday

Today's Five Thing Friday is called: Things I effing hate cleaning off the floor.

1. Baby rice cookies. You may know these as Mum Mums or by their alternate brand name, Crack Cocaine for Babies. I save mine for emergency bribery currency when I need to buy myself a JUSTAGDMINUTEMAMAHASTOPEEFOREFF'SSAKE bit of extra time. Once moistened by copious amounts of baby drool and then left to dry on the floor/chair/carseat they turn into some kind of rock hard space age material you could arguably build a house with. Scraping this hardened mortar off the floor requires a chisel and safety goggles. But do it too early and it's a goopy mess of slime. Beware your clothing while engaging in this cleaning activity, I've actually torn threads from a sweater while pulling off a piece of this crap. 

2.  Crayons. Washable my arse. Yes, they scrub off if you feel up to an upper arm workout with the sponge and if your kid manages to only draw on the smoothest of all surfaces. And since I never feel up to an upper arm workout and since my kid likes to draw on fabric ottomans and in the grout lines between kitchen tiles, I now loathe crayons. 

3. Spilled milk. This one is tricky on multiple levels. The fact that our floors are the exact shade of milk white make it near impossible to see where the milk spilled, resulting in unsuspecting soaked socks at random times of the day. Even after it's cleaned up, whatever milky residue remains on kitchen floors could form the basis for an alternative to curling sheets of ice. One day when I'm found dead on the floor with a broken neck and wet socks it will be because of a spilled sippy cup of milk. BYO Oreos to my funeral.

4. Wet bananas. I don't need to elaborate on this one other than to say chewed and mashed up food is disgusting to pick up off the floor. And it's nearly impossible to avoid with a baby who is enthusiastically learning how to eat. Wet bananas. Shudder.

5. Stickers. These must be a close second to glitter when it comes to annoying things to clean up. The papery ones rip into bits when I try to peel them off. The foil ones stick so tight you can't even feel the seam, it's like they just meld into whatever it was stuck to. So those ones stay for life. The puffy ones I can kind of pop off with the vacuum but sometimes they cling tight forcing me to use my fingernail to pry them free which 100% of the time results in a hard piece of plastic Paw Patrol sticker rammed up my nail.  

shit my kid sticks stickers on

Mama's recommended wine pairing:

Occasion: When you find yourself sitting on the floor staring at a big ugly mess while fondly thinking back to a time when the only thing you had to pick up off the floor was your dignity after a particularly wild night out.

Wine pairing: There's nothing wrong with going a little old school during these moments. Perhaps a little throwback to something you enjoyed when you were first getting into the world of wine. Something a bit fruiter, a little lighter...one old friend I had a particular affinity with in my younger days was this Folonari Pinot Grigio. While I haven't seen it in my wine fridge for a while, it served it's purpose back in the day. It never stuck to my floor, but it always stuck by my side. 


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