Flies the limit

I'll admit it. I don't shower as often as I should. Some days I get lucky enough to accompany one or both of my children in their pee-infused tepid bath water. I haven't lost any friends yet, so I figure I'm doing okay. 

This week, though, I got my hair highlighted and blow dried. This is a complicated event that required borrowing my sister's mother in law (my sister's husband's mom if you need help following along) to babysit my littlest which is a big deal in mom-land. I have a theory that once you have children you no longer give a shit if your friend or sister makes a move on your spouse...but lay a paw on your reliable sitter? Gloves off, sister, gloves off. But I digress. 

Yesterday I had plans to meet an old friend for lunch, and with a fresh hair don't care about my possibly fresh scent attitude (there was no flipping way I was going to wreck a good blow out in a shower) I packed up the baby and ventured out.   

I was feeling solidly okay with my glossy hair (which lasted four full minutes before being knotted into a ponytail to keep it out of the baby's sticky death grip) and a smear of chapstick when a fruit fly showed up.

No big deal, it's summer. There's food. Fruit flies happen. I ignored it at first. But it recruited some buddies and then some more. There were so many flies circling our table I legit started to panic. Had I brought them? Had I finally reached my limit of shower-less days? When was the last time I'd brought soap to skin? Was everyone in my life unable to smell my not-so-delicate bouquet? Or were they just telling me some not so white lies?

I'll further contemplate this possibility tonight, maybe in the shower.

Editor's note: said shower did not happen as the writer became distracted by her not-yet-potty-trained daughter's late night appearance in her bed, sans diaper. It's a fearful time.

Mama's Recommended Wine Pairing:

Occasion: "is my mom-hygiene attracting all the insects to the yard?" paranoia

Wine Pairing: for those not so infrequent times when a busy mama just isn't sure if an influx of uninvited flying guests are the result of climate change, biblical-level plague or if we really ought to have taken at least a token swipe with the lady speed stick, you might want to consider a nice glass of red wine. Something fruit forward with aromas of ripe red berries like a California Pinot Noir. And I'm sure if you ask nicely it won't even mind being used as a scapegoat for all those fruit flies. One to try: Noble Vines 667 Pinot Noir 2014 available here.


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